Insomnia

I think that Opinionated Man is an insomniac tonight as I have been getting an email saying he’s made a new post almost every minute from his blog. ūüėČ at least I’m amused by it since I’m still awake keeping my fire going.

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What am I missing here….

I like and enjoy helping out my friends and family. If I can do it I certainly will to make life easier for them.
When I go somewhere I check to see if anyone needs me to pick up or do something for them while I’m there.
But when I’m down and out and need the help… No one is there to help me. If they are going out no one thinks to check and see if I need something, if there is something that they can do for me…
It makes me wonder what I’ve done….
What am I missing here? Because I’m beginning to think that whole pay it forward and things like that are a joke. Neighbors don’t help neighborhood. Family doesn’t help family. Friends don’t help friends.  Everyone is only out for themselves.
I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. Maybe I should stop helping others….. Yeah, I can’t do that…. Sorry… It’s like encoded in my personality….
But really I don’t get it…. Why do people do that? There are way too many self-centered people in the world today and it saddens me. Check on your neighbors, help your friends and family… It really isn’t that difficult…. If you do it long enough it will become a habit and not a bad one… There isn’t enough good in the world… Really should be. So take the time to try and look out for those less fortunate than you… And even if they don’t appear to be less fortunate… Check anyway to see if they need help… You never know when the effort will be worth it and trust me… It will be highly appreciated.

My son and the ‘wild’ ducks

One day my daughter was out with my mother in law. I picked my son up from the bus stop. When we got home he asked to go out and play.
‘Sure.’ I told him.
He took off and I did some housework. A minute after I sat down to rest for a second, my son comes barreling into the house.
‘Mommy, I need the gun.’
‘Um… Why?’ I ask with no intention of giving it to him.
‘There are wild ducks across the brook!’
‘Okay… Let’s go check this out.’ I said, curious because ducks don’t land in the brook.
We quietly walk over and he points out the ‘wild’ ducks. My mother in laws kacki Campbells.
‘Those aren’t wild ducks, bub.’
‘They aren’t!?’
‘Nope. They are Grammie’s. Go get daddy. Tell him Grammie’s ducks got loose and we need help.’
He goes tearing up to wear his dad was yelling ‘Emergency! It’s a Daddy emergency…. Grammie’s ducks are loose!’
His dad came and the three of us herded the ducks back across the partially frozen brook.
We fixed the fence where they got out when my mother in law got home.
I’m glad my son saw the ducks though I wonder what on earth he was thinking when he came running to get me.

Families

Many years ago my mother had an affair that resulted in a pregnancy. She gave the baby (a girl) up for adoption.
Just before Thanksgiving my sister got a letter addressed to our mother using an old last name. Not recognizing the name on the return address she contacted our mother who had her open the letter.
This is where the story from my angle gets complicated.  Mother asked her not to say anything to me. My sister though was upset about this because we had an agreement that she would tell me if she’d heard from her, our birth sister. She left it up to our mother to tell me in person because she felt that was necessary. (I don’t, because I live about an hour away and it’s not an easy commute). Anyway so my mother and my birth sister conversed which led to them arranging a meeting. Mother took my sister.
The next day (after the meeting)  I was told mothers version of the events. My sister told me hers. I’m not upset at my sister. Mother put her in a tough spot. And technically I did too by asking her to tell me. I’m plenty ticked at my mother though. It shouldn’t have taken the days it did to tell me. Everyone knew (because I never hid it) that I was looking for the sister that was taken away from me. (I’ve always been big into family togetherness, not that it ever worked that way in my family) families stick up for each other and help each other out. How was I to be there and help a family member I didn’t know where was.
A couple days later I tried talking to my mother and explain to her why I was hurt and angry. As I calmly tried giving my reasons for being upset my mother tweaked on me. I’m being childish and need to grow up. I’m purposely trying to cause a fight and I’m overreacting. Yeah so much for explaining my feelings.
My sister posted a picture of her and our birth sister. And I’m angry all over again because mother said now we need one with me. Yeah well I could have been there and you’d have that picture. I should have been there. I feel like.. Oh so many different things. Hide the child I don’t get along with because she might take away the daughter I lost and maybe she’ll be the daughter I always wanted but didn’t get with the two I kept. Or maybe it’s because I’m a disappointment to her because I’m different. Damn it I’m proud to be who I am.  I’m not sure what her reasons but I resent them. She even told me if she was married neither me nor my sister would have heard about the meeting til after.
I’m happy to have finally found my sister. I can’t wait to get to know her better. I hope she never sees the mother I do.
I wish families were as simple as I think they should be.

I write, You write, We all write differently

I follow this blog called Harsh Reality by Opinionated Man. I really enjoy reading his blog. Lately I’ve seen him rant about how people ‘talk’ to him on his blog.
Today’s post ‘Being Compared to Hitler’ was him saying ‘F. U.’  to all those who don’t like the way he writes.
I have something to say about it too.
While I enjoy reading what he writes I don’t always agree with him. That’s okay. One example I can think of, which I have enjoyed teasing him about is his (in my opinion) unfortunate choices in football teams (he’s a Broncos fan, I prefer the Patriots). So I give him crap about it but all in good fun. Other things I might say I disagree with and why. Yet others I just won’t comment on.
But seriously, there is no reason to be nasty to someone because you don’t like how they write or even what they write. If everyone wrote the same, boy, would life be boring. No one would be surprised when people spend more time watching TV or playing video games rather than reading because who wants to read pretty much the same thing over and over.
I don’t expect anyone to write like me or like what I write. You should be ashamed of yourself if you think that way.
Life is made up of so many different people. All with different opinions, experiences and writing styles. Don’t bash someone for being different… Embrace it, learn from it, deal with it.

Dear Mother, I have feelings

Dear Mother,
I have feelings. They are my feelings. I don’t care if you disagree with my feelings… You are more than welcome to feel that way. However, they are still my feelings. You can not change the fact that my feelings are my own.
If I tell you that I feel you could have done things differently, don’t get all pissed off at me. Take the time to listen to why I feel that way. This might help you understand me better.
Also, don’t take my thoughts or feelings and because you disagree with them tell me that someone else is convincing me to think or feel this way. Once again, if you listen to my reasoning you might understand me better and you will also realize that these are my thoughts and feelings and no one else’s. I could almost understand you thinking that when I was a child (as most children are impressionable) but I am an adult now.
I just wish sometimes that you would listen and understand how I feel. I hate trying to explain and ending up in a fight because I want to express myself. You are my mother. I know that I can be confusing but I wish you would take a little more time to get to know and understand me so I’m not as confusing to you.
You are my mother. I love you unconditionally but, like most parents do to their children, you exasperate me too.
I know my own daughter is confusing to me. However I know what she likes and what she enjoys and why  even if I, myself, don’t understand it. I know I’m not a perfect parent but I know if my children come to me with their feelings that I will listen. I hope someday you will too.

When is a Face to Face Meeting Necessary

There are times when an occurrence happens that requires a face to face meeting to discuss it. I feel that some things don’t require a face to face meeting and I will try to explain the difference.
I believe that a face to face meeting is required for events like a parent marrying. The last thing one should do is inform their child over the phone. Another thing that requires a face to face conversation would be when someone is murdered or killed in an accident. It would not be acceptable for the police to give a phone call to the surviving relatives .
Jobs are another thing that needs a face to face meeting. You can’t be sure that the person you wish to hire is the right one without meeting them. Nor can you be certain that the company you want to hire you is the right one for you without meeting them.
There are other things like deaths, births, marriage of childless people, and finding long-lost relatives that sure if possible should be done face to face but, if the person needing to be informed lives a good distance away then by all means call them. It would not do for the distance to delay the conversation which could cause anmity between the person informing and the person being informed.
This is how I feel. Feel free to let me know if you feel differently. I would love to hear your opinions and thoughts on the matter.