Families

Many years ago my mother had an affair that resulted in a pregnancy. She gave the baby (a girl) up for adoption.
Just before Thanksgiving my sister got a letter addressed to our mother using an old last name. Not recognizing the name on the return address she contacted our mother who had her open the letter.
This is where the story from my angle gets complicated.  Mother asked her not to say anything to me. My sister though was upset about this because we had an agreement that she would tell me if she’d heard from her, our birth sister. She left it up to our mother to tell me in person because she felt that was necessary. (I don’t, because I live about an hour away and it’s not an easy commute). Anyway so my mother and my birth sister conversed which led to them arranging a meeting. Mother took my sister.
The next day (after the meeting)  I was told mothers version of the events. My sister told me hers. I’m not upset at my sister. Mother put her in a tough spot. And technically I did too by asking her to tell me. I’m plenty ticked at my mother though. It shouldn’t have taken the days it did to tell me. Everyone knew (because I never hid it) that I was looking for the sister that was taken away from me. (I’ve always been big into family togetherness, not that it ever worked that way in my family) families stick up for each other and help each other out. How was I to be there and help a family member I didn’t know where was.
A couple days later I tried talking to my mother and explain to her why I was hurt and angry. As I calmly tried giving my reasons for being upset my mother tweaked on me. I’m being childish and need to grow up. I’m purposely trying to cause a fight and I’m overreacting. Yeah so much for explaining my feelings.
My sister posted a picture of her and our birth sister. And I’m angry all over again because mother said now we need one with me. Yeah well I could have been there and you’d have that picture. I should have been there. I feel like.. Oh so many different things. Hide the child I don’t get along with because she might take away the daughter I lost and maybe she’ll be the daughter I always wanted but didn’t get with the two I kept. Or maybe it’s because I’m a disappointment to her because I’m different. Damn it I’m proud to be who I am.  I’m not sure what her reasons but I resent them. She even told me if she was married neither me nor my sister would have heard about the meeting til after.
I’m happy to have finally found my sister. I can’t wait to get to know her better. I hope she never sees the mother I do.
I wish families were as simple as I think they should be.

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