My Best Friend, M. C. 

I have two best friends. I’m going to talk about M. C.  here. M. C. is going through a tough time. She just had a baby and a week after having the baby her boyfriend, the baby’s dad, passed away. To top all that off his birthday would have been the next week. She’s now the sole provider and caretaker of three gorgeous girls, ranging in age from 11 to newborn. My heart breaks for her. 

Tonight she was talking about journaling, which has been helping her cope with the loss. And I realized that I am sadly lacking on my own blog so here I write. 

I just met M. C.’s boyfriend two days before he died. I told him to take care of my woman. When I heard that he was gone I was angry at him. It was an accident but I didn’t care. He’s no longer around to care for my best friend and her girls. 

Sure, I didn’t know him well enough to grieve like M. C.  is, but I am working my way through my feelings on his death. I’m going to be there for the family for the rest of their lives. Do anything I can to help. She’s my best friend. 

Being a Friend 

I’m not a perfect friend, though I feel as though I am a good one. Some things about being a friend is just confusing to me. Why can I not be as good a friend to a guy as I am a girl?  Why should there be a difference? I guess this stems from society. Society assumes if a guy and girl spend time together then ‘obviously’ they are having sex. I am not saying that it doesn’t happen because I know there are people who would take advantage of a situation in which it’s just a girl and a guy. However it certainly does make being a friend to a guy, being a girl,  difficult, especially when said girl just wants to be friends. I don’t offer sex to my male friends. So I don’t see why I can’t invite them over to watch a movie and then when it gets late say ‘hey, why don’t you just spend the night on my couch.’ To me, I’m being the good friend keeping my friend safe by not having them drive home tired. But, male friend can not stay because girlfriend won’t like it, or they think this is a ploy to get them into my bed. Uh-uh. I’m super picky about who gets to hang out in my bed. Sorry (not really). I guess maybe I’m just a little more forward thinking than society. I don’t care if my friend is male, female, straight, gay, or has a different skin tone than mine, I’m still going to be their friend and act like a good friend should. 

Venting

Sometimes I find it is hard to vent about a particular subject. I never know who it is okay to vent to about certain topics. Today I want to vent about the sister-in-law I can’t stand but I can’t post it here, I can’t post it on Facebook, I can’t talk to her brother about it (yeah he’s technically my husband but he doesn’t understand my issues with her, I’ve been called childish over my complaints), I certainly can’t discuss it with her, nor do I feel comfortable discussing this with most of my family, as some of them are friends with the person in question. It’s frustrating, which I guess is the  point of this post. I’m frustrated that I can’t properly vent how I feel. I hate that I feel that I can’t vent because I hate being told I can’t. I guess even I’m not allowed to tell myself I can’t. (lol that’s kind of funny).
Well, this was slightly therapeutic….I think I’ll go hide in my book (currently reading Lily by Lauren Royal.)

I Love When People Think I’m Gullible

Yes, sure, you go right ahead and tell me all that bureaucratic bullshit. I’ll look you right in the eye and act like I believe you.   Deep inside my thoughts though, I know you are full of it.
It completely amuses me to listen to someone tell me that, ‘Oh I didn’t say that.’ I know you did because someone else heard you and told me but, go ahead, try and convince me that it wasn’t what you said. I Know the truth.

My Job

I’ve been working at my job for over a year now. I feel a good part of the time like I have no time anymore for all the things I used to do and plan to do, one of which is this blog. I barely have the energy to put into caring for my livestock and cleaning my house, let alone the gardening I intend to do. I feel like a farmer failure. Farming has been a huge part of my life. I feel lost without it. However this job is helping to improve my situation. I have money set aside for the first time ever. Not a lot but it’s slowly growing. I’m thinking of adding to the barn and growing my livestock. I’m hoping to find some of my lost energy this year. I also hope to maybe find a part time job or someone who who let me spend some time with their cow. I miss being around cows the most. I miss my old job terribly. I’m Cowcrazy. Having no cows just isn’t natural. Lol.
Have a great day readers.
-COWCRZY